Monday, September 18, 2017

Hoop Dreams


There are some very common fantasies out there.  Being a professional sports star is one of them.  Being a superhero is another.  But there are some people just won't be happy until they're both.  And so, because of that we are gifted with the comic book known as "Full Throttle Featuring the Dallas Mavericks"!

The 2003 comic was created to promote literacy and to show off the Mavs' little known monster fighting skills.  It was fully licensed by the NBA and sold exclusively in Walmart stores and given away at a Mavericks home game.  I'm going to assume that proceeds went to charity.  With that rousing endorsement, let's dive in:

Our story begins at the American Airlines Center during practice when a group of school kids are brought in to meet their favorite Mavs and discuss their favorite books.  Before an in depth analysis of "To Kill a Mockingbird" could take place, a mysterious cracking and shaking in center court grabs everyone's attention, when all of the sudden...

Yep, the mysterious explosion leads to a mysterious system of caverns and it's all beneath the American Airlines Center.  The school kids are led away but all the excitement attracted the attention Dallas' most famous busybody.  Mark Cuban takes charge and drops some fairly upsetting information:

The bad news:  there's a monster called "Gargamon" that lives underground and has some form of nefarious plans.  The good news:  When he wasn't throwing temper tantrums at games, Cuban had prepared for the situation by stockpiling sophisticated weaponry below the American Airlines Center:

The latest technology went into a collection of super suits that enhance an athletes natural abilities to "soar like an eagle" in addition to hi tops that let you walk up walls, mini-basketballs that contain "gizmos" as needed, and gloves that help you "grip" things...I guess.

The details are somewhat glossed over but you get the impression they can do whatever the plot demands.  The suits also come with a catchphrase: "Full Throttle!"

So it was time to head underground to take the fight to Gargamon and his monsterous cronies.  And while they put up a good fight, it didn't take long for the Mavs to realize they're better at playing basketball than being superheros.  Once captured, it was time for the villain to do what villains do and reveal his evil plan:

So the "plan" seems to be to get the Mavs out of the picture and take over Dallas.  Keep it simple, ya know?  So out go the hordes of shaggy green monsters to the streets of Big D.  Once their reign of terror begins we get a couple of hometown cameos.

Dale Hansen from WFFA and the late Kidd Kraddick give the play by play of the monster invasion.  Meanwhile, the reading enthusiast kids from before manage to rescue the Mavs.

They had befriended a young monster and learn a few key pieces of information:  1. The monsters love chocolate and 2. The monsters can't read.  With that crucial knowledge a plan was formed and a trap was set.

So teamwork triumphs, the bad guys are defeated and literacy is promoted...kind of.  I'd like to think we all learned a valuable lesson from this exercise but I'm not sure what that would be.  Maybe, if you're a monster and you want to attack Dallas, you should learn how to read?  But at least Dallas was finally safe from Gargamon...

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