Brownsville, Texas native Kris Kristofferson is a multi-talented superstar of stage and screen. Singing, songwriting, acting...he's a definite triple threat. That being said, he's not going to hit a home run every time. He's got some real head scratchers on his IMDb page. So with all due respect to the legendary highwayman, I thought I'd take a look at some of his more unfortunate roles.
The Donny & Marie Show
In the late 70s two of the most popular things in showbiz were variety shows and Star Wars. It didn't take long for the two of them to be combined. One of the most popular shows, "Donny & Marie" dipped their toe into the Star Wars pool with singing, dancing and the corniest jokes ever heard in a galaxy far, far away. Kristofferson appeared as Han Solo in a sketch and sang a song along with his pal Chewbacca. It remains one of the stranger scifi/country music combos in history.
Blade 3 (a.k.a. "Blade Trinity")
Don't get me wrong, I love the Blade movies but they make questionable choices with Kristofferson's character. He plays "Whistler," who is the mentor/tech support for Wesley Snipe's Blade, the Vampire Hunter. In the first movie, Whistler is killed off to give extra motivation to Blade. The first part of the second movie is spent bringing Whistler back to life. Then, once again, Whistler is killed off at the beginning of the third movie to give extra motivation to Blade. What a ride, huh? So Kristofferson was kind of wasted in the third film by having his character play a role that had already been done (and undone).
Big Top Pee-Wee
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is one of the best movies of all time but the follow-up was...not. Instead of being an actual sequel, it essentially just took Pee-Wee, and put him in a different scenario with no real connection to the previous movie. In "Big Top" he lives on a farm, longs to join the circus and leaves his fiance for someone he just met. It's not great. Kristofferson does just fine as the circus' ringmaster but the movie itself just can't compare to the original.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Well after the original series of Planet of the Apes but before the most recent set of films, there was the 2001 "Planet of the Apes" remake/remix/whatever. While it was kind of fun to see Kristofferson running around in a loincloth fighting gorillas, it was also kind of sad seeing him do that. The movie was a failure because it was such a mess and it's now just a footnote in the franchise's history.
Luckily, the overwhelming majority of Kristofferson's work is fantastic and definitely worth a watch (or a listen). But the next time you want to kick back with a movie night, consider watching one of his misfires instead of "A Star is Born." Maybe you'll like them more than I did.
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