The Unfortunate Roles of Kris Kristofferson

 
Brownsville, Texas native Kris Kristofferson is a multi-talented superstar of stage and screen.  Singing, songwriting, acting...he's a definite triple threat.  That being said, he's not going to hit a home run every time.  He's got some real head scratchers on his IMDb page.  So with all due respect to the legendary highwayman, I thought I'd take a look at some of his more unfortunate roles.  

The Donny & Marie Show

In the late 70s two of the most popular things in showbiz were variety shows and Star Wars.  It didn't take long for the two of them to be combined.  One of the most popular shows, "Donny & Marie" dipped their toe into the Star Wars pool with singing, dancing and the corniest jokes ever heard in a galaxy far, far away.  Kristofferson appeared as Han Solo in a sketch and sang a song along with his pal Chewbacca.  It remains one of the stranger scifi/country music combos in history.

Blade 3 (a.k.a. "Blade Trinity")

Don't get me wrong, I love the Blade movies but they make questionable choices with Kristofferson's character.  He plays "Whistler," who is the mentor/tech support for Wesley Snipe's Blade, the Vampire Hunter.  In the first movie, Whistler is killed off to give extra motivation to Blade.  The first part of the second movie is spent bringing Whistler back to life.  Then, once again, Whistler is killed off at the beginning of the third movie to give extra motivation to Blade.  What a ride, huh?  So Kristofferson was kind of wasted in the third film by having his character play a role that had already been done (and undone).

Big Top Pee-Wee

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is one of the best movies of all time but the follow-up was...not.  Instead of being an actual sequel, it essentially just took Pee-Wee, and put him in a different scenario with no real connection to the previous movie.  In "Big Top" he lives on a farm, longs to join the circus and leaves his fiance for someone he just met.  It's not great.  Kristofferson does just fine as the circus' ringmaster but the movie itself just can't compare to the original. 

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Well after the original series of Planet of the Apes but before the most recent set of films, there was the 2001 "Planet of the Apes" remake/remix/whatever.  While it was kind of fun to see Kristofferson running around in a loincloth fighting gorillas, it was also kind of sad seeing him do that.  The movie was a failure because it was such a mess and it's now just a footnote in the franchise's history.

Luckily, the overwhelming majority of Kristofferson's work is fantastic and definitely worth a watch (or a listen).  But the next time you want to kick back with a movie night, consider watching one of his misfires instead of "A Star is Born."  Maybe you'll like them more than I did.

Pros at Cons

These days, if you wanted to, you could probably attend a scifi or pop culture convention just about every weekend.  Sure, you'd have to travel but probably not as far as you'd think.  The act of standing in line to get a $40 autograph from someone who did something you liked has gone completely mainstream as conventions are popping up everywhere, all the time.

But not so long ago these kind of cons were a lot rarer to find.  They were grass roots initiatives by and for hardcore fans that are now the stuff of legend.  One such convention was HoustonCon.  I stumbled across program for the 1974 HoustonCon and today we're going to check out some of the highlights.

Celebrities

If you found yourself cast in a scifi or superhero show today you'd probably have a clause in your contract necessitating a certain number of convention appearances per year (or at least an incentive for those appearances).  That's why you might find half the CW Network in Lexington, KY or Bozeman, MT on a particular weekend.

But in the good old days, actors had to make their own way to cons and it was usually well after their show was off the air.  And if they charged for autographs, it wasn't anywhere near today's prices.  There was a bit of a negative connotation to these appearances back then as it was sometimes seen as a desperate choice for someone whose acting work had dried up but we've thankfully gotten past that today.

HoustonCon '74 had two primary focuses:  old movie serials and Star Trek.   With those themes, these two were pretty good gets.  Kirk Alyn was the first ever live action Superman on film in the original serials and Walter Koenig served his tour of duty on the U.S.S. Enterprise on the original Star Trek TV series and movies.  There were other actors that were willing to brave the Houston humidity that year but these two are probably the best known today.

Artists

There were a couple of artists listed in the program but I picked Fred Fredericks to feature on the blog because of his contributions to the program itself.  You can see his two page spread above as well as his work on the cover.  At first I wasn't sure if that character was meant to be the Lone Ranger or not because of the weird netting on his mask, but after some quick research, it looks like it is.

Apparently that's the type of disguise the masked man wore in the first Lone Ranger movie serial.  With the convention's movie serial theme, it makes sense that Fredericks would use this design.  He also seemed to be known for his work on the comic strip for pulp hero Mandrake the Magician as well as several cartoon character comics.

Advertisements

First up is an ad for the "All American Book Store" in Hurst which features what I can only assume is a non-authorized appearance by Captain America.  I'm not sure which artist drew him but I'm gonna guess...the store's owner?  I can't find any confirmation that this place is still open but thankfully the ad includes a handy "map" if anyone wants to try and track it down.

The next ad is a great sign of the times.  This was well before the age of Netflix or video on demand, so if a fan wanted to catch their favorite episode of "I Dream of Jeannie" or 'The Flintstones" they'd have to wait until the rerun was rerun.  These bootlegs were presumably for sale on VHS but in 1974 I can't imagine too many people had VCRs.  Like any good page from a decades old convention program, this brings up more questions than answers. 

In addition to the gems I've posted, the program included con rules and schedules, with an emphasis on their screenings of Star Trek episodes and movie serials as well as bios of the other actors, writers and artists that were appearing.  It's a great window into a different time when fandom was a lot more work than it is today...but it looks like it was worth it.

Jobe to the Future

Previously:

Top 5 at the Alamo Gift Shop  - -  Pee-Wee Visits the Alamo

"Amazing Stories" was an ambitious mid-80s attempt to capture a little Twilight Zone lighting in a prime time bottle.  As with any anthology, there were hits and misses but it's widely regarded as a show that was "pretty good."

The third episode of the series caught the attention of a young "me" since it featured a world famous landmark I had recently visited...the Alamo!  The legendary Texas battle site was having a bit of a Hollywood renaissance with Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and Cloak & Dagger making use of the location and now it was time for a small screen adventure.

The elevator pitch for the episode is: a fifteen year old volunteer from the Battle of the Alamo is transported to present day (A.K.A. 1985).  And that's also pretty much a summary of the episode too.  It's not what you would call a very plot heavy entry into the time travel genre.

The story begins during the battle (and uses footage from the John Wayne Alamo movie from 1960) and our hero Jobe (Kelly Reno from the Black Stallion movies) name checks fellow Alamo heroes William Travis and Davey Crockett and is given instructions to take a note to "General Lefferts" on "Shuttlecock Road."

While this is going on, Jobe keeps seeing 1985 tourists pop up in the mission, seemingly unaware of the carnage surrounding them.  He even hears some unfortunate news about the ultimate fate of the Alamo defenders from a tour guide (who probably hasn't gotten to the part about adobe or corn yet).

Sure that's a freaky thing to see but Jobe's a total pro and is determined to deliver the note.  But now it's his turn to time travel on his way out of the Alamo.  After a quick visit to the 1985 gift shop he's kicked out by one of the staff.

If I were to ask you, does that door look familiar?  You'd probably say, "Yeah, that's the door to the Alamo."  But you'd be wrong.  And I'd really stick it in your face in the smuggest way possible.  And then you would walk away from me and I'd be left alone once again with my useless trivial knowledge.

That being said, the Alamo doesn't allow people to film there.  So any time you've seen a movie or TV show at the Alamo, you've seen a sound stage.  This particular faux Alamo door was built for the film "Cloak & Dagger":

And at this point, just as Jobe must come to the realization that he's in another time (which he never really seems to do), we must realize that this episode is passing off Los Angeles as San Antonio.  But at least they make an effort to hide it.  Check out this matte shot:

Well now it's time for some fish-out-of-water shenanigans as Jobe hijinks his way across pseudo-San Antonio in the 80s, while encountering tons of sights and sounds that should freak him out but never really do.    It wasn't too long before it was time for a a classic trope:

Yep, out-of-towner guy meets hip guy.  In this instance the "hip guy" is a break dancer who tells Jobe that he digs his "funky cap."  Just as Jobe seems mildly curious yet mostly uninterested in the future things he see, the people he meets seem to feel relatively the same way.

I guess seeing somebody walking around San Antonio dressed in buckskins is like seeing someone dressed as a Disney princess in Anaheim.  After awhile it just becomes a fairly common part of your work week.

After some additional fun involving bus rides, pay phones, a stolen horse and a police chase, our hero finally gets to his destination.  There was no "General Lefferts" involved with the real Alamo and the real San Antonio doesn't seem to have a "Shuttlecock Road" so don't feel obligated to go on your own Jobe-esque quest the next time you're in town.

The fictional Leffert had a fictional descendant who runs a fictional antique shop where Jobe finally ends up to deliver the note.  Mission Accomplished!  With that done he returns to the Alamo and presumably his own time.  But before he gets there he gets directions from this helpful citizen:

So does this mean that Jobe survived the Battle of the Alamo and had kids?  It's not really clear and I'm not anticipating a follow-up any time soon so we'll all just have to write our own Amazing Stories fan fiction...as usual.

So once again our beloved Alamo has made its presence felt in popular culture and we all plan our next family road trips to the real San Antonio.