The Unfortunate Roles of Kris Kristofferson

 
Brownsville, Texas native Kris Kristofferson is a multi-talented superstar of stage and screen.  Singing, songwriting, acting...he's a definite triple threat.  That being said, he's not going to hit a home run every time.  He's got some real head scratchers on his IMDb page.  So with all due respect to the legendary highwayman, I thought I'd take a look at some of his more unfortunate roles.  

The Donny & Marie Show

In the late 70s two of the most popular things in showbiz were variety shows and Star Wars.  It didn't take long for the two of them to be combined.  One of the most popular shows, "Donny & Marie" dipped their toe into the Star Wars pool with singing, dancing and the corniest jokes ever heard in a galaxy far, far away.  Kristofferson appeared as Han Solo in a sketch and sang a song along with his pal Chewbacca.  It remains one of the stranger scifi/country music combos in history.

Blade 3 (a.k.a. "Blade Trinity")

Don't get me wrong, I love the Blade movies but they make questionable choices with Kristofferson's character.  He plays "Whistler," who is the mentor/tech support for Wesley Snipe's Blade, the Vampire Hunter.  In the first movie, Whistler is killed off to give extra motivation to Blade.  The first part of the second movie is spent bringing Whistler back to life.  Then, once again, Whistler is killed off at the beginning of the third movie to give extra motivation to Blade.  What a ride, huh?  So Kristofferson was kind of wasted in the third film by having his character play a role that had already been done (and undone).

Big Top Pee-Wee

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is one of the best movies of all time but the follow-up was...not.  Instead of being an actual sequel, it essentially just took Pee-Wee, and put him in a different scenario with no real connection to the previous movie.  In "Big Top" he lives on a farm, longs to join the circus and leaves his fiance for someone he just met.  It's not great.  Kristofferson does just fine as the circus' ringmaster but the movie itself just can't compare to the original. 

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Well after the original series of Planet of the Apes but before the most recent set of films, there was the 2001 "Planet of the Apes" remake/remix/whatever.  While it was kind of fun to see Kristofferson running around in a loincloth fighting gorillas, it was also kind of sad seeing him do that.  The movie was a failure because it was such a mess and it's now just a footnote in the franchise's history.

Luckily, the overwhelming majority of Kristofferson's work is fantastic and definitely worth a watch (or a listen).  But the next time you want to kick back with a movie night, consider watching one of his misfires instead of "A Star is Born."  Maybe you'll like them more than I did.

Risky River

 Previously:

 Jobe to the Future  - -  Pee-Wee Visits the Alamo

The streets of San Antonio are no stranger to the presence of Hollywood camera crews.  From Pee-Wee's Big Adventure to Miss Congeniality, the historic city has been a backdrop for several cinematic soirees.  One classic 80s film that took advantage of the city's scenery was 1984's Cloak & Dagger.  Not only does it take place in San Antonio but it stars Texas natives Henry Thomas and Dabney Coleman.

But it's not just iconic scenery like the Alamo and the business district that serves as the setting for the spy thriller, there's an elaborate chase scene between Henry Thomas, the movie's young star, and the goons of the film on the famous San Antonio Riverwalk.  Movies like these are a great time capsule that preserve the way certain places or attractions looked like in the past...

 ...not that it really changed that much...at least, not the architecture.  But there's always one thing that changes over time: price.  There's a quick shot in the movie were you can see posted prices.  They go by so fast in the shot that I can't imagine they were put there by the filmmakers so I assume these were the legit mid-80s prices:

 $1.25 for adults and 50 cents for kids.  Not too shabby, right?  By comparison here are some ticket stubs from my grandparents' trip out there about 2-3 years later:

 50 cents inflation isn't too bad but these days tickets will cost you about (as of this writing $13.30 for an adult and $7.50 for kids.  Still not too bad for a tourist town.  Plus, you most likely won't be chased by assassins like young Henry Thomas was.  

Keep in mind, that's not the approved way of exiting the boat.  But it's a great way to end a low-speed chase through a world famous tourist attraction.  The next time you you feel like checking out retro San Antonio, just pop Cloak & Dagger into the ol' movie playing machine (or however people watch movies these days) and take in the sights in all their 1980s glory.

Bar Necessities

The 1991 film "Necessary Roughness" was a part of a wave of "ragtag misfits come together" sports movies that were hugely popular in the 80s and early 90s.  It fit right in with movies like "Major League" or "Wildcats" and works for our purposes because it was filmed in Texas.

The majority of the movie was shot at the University of Texas in Denton which filled in for the fictional Texas State University (go Armadillos!) and there are are few other north Texas locations, but what brings us all here today is a bar room brawl at the World's Largest Honky Tonk.

Scott Bakula, Sinbad and the rest of the gang decide to blow off some steam at Billy Bob's Texas in the Fort Worth Stockyards.  Billy Bob's is a world famous bar and entertainment venue that attracts some of the biggest musical acts in the world.  So of course, I had to stop by and see if I could find some of the specific areas where they filmed.

The problem, of course, being that the movie is a couple of decades old and the bar has been remodeled a few times since then.  Gotta get the saw dust off the floors and keep it fresh!  So consider this an exercise in seeing how the place has changed and updated over the years.  For example, you can see that the light fixtures over the pool tables are different.

Seems like some of the neon has been moved around or replaced too.  Normally I try to match up shots as closely as I can but I had to settle for just getting close on this trip.  There are a few other shots in Billy Bob's rodeo area and out front but the main action happened where the drinking gets done.

There's a lot to see in the bar, like the concrete hand imprints of the musicians who have performed there and several celebrities who have visited.  But there's also an interesting prop from a forgotten movie above the dance floor.

The duded-out saddle from the movie "Rhinestone" serves as the disco ball above Billy Bob's dance floor.  The movie stars Dolly Parton as a singer who makes a bet that she can turn Sylvester Stallone into a country music sensation...which sounds like a totally made up movie parody but it was real...and the proof is in Fort Worth!

Theater Scene

Welcome to Anarene, TX, home of the melancholy and the wistful.  It's the setting of the movie "The Last Picture Show," based on the novel by author and Texas literary icon Larry McMurtry.  The film's setting is in the town of Anarene, based loosely on McMurtry's own small Texas hometown of Archer City (near Wichita Falls).

Archer City has embraced their favorite son and the film that was filmed there so it's still easy to find some of the locations, most notably the downtown movie theater.

The Royal Theater plays a semi-prominent role in the story and ends up going out of business at the end of the movie.  But the real deal is still alive and kicking.  It doesn't show movies anymore but hosts musicians and theater productions instead.

It's on the town square, where most of the action in the movie takes place, and directly across from the courthouse.  For some reason there's very few good shots of the courthouse in the film but I got a pic of it for your viewing pleasure:

The entire film was shot in the small town and parts of the surrounding areas so there's plenty of more filming locations to discover.  Which is what I'll do the next time I'm in the area.  Until then, we'll have to get by on the town's sense of nostalgia:

Pure Country in Cresson

In the movie Pure Country George Strait proved that he had above average acting chops.  He then proceeded by not continuing his acting career.  Was this a taunt to his detractors?  A celebration of restraint?  We may never know.  But at least we can go look up the filming locations.

The scene where he visits a cemetery was shot in Cresson, TX in the aptly named Cresson Cemetery:

That opening shot was easy to find due to the sign.  The other shots were not so easy.  Production crews will install fake tombstones for their shoots so, of course, the grave he visited was not real.  Using the power lines in the background I tried to get close to the location where this shot was filmed:

Additional scenes were shot in Fort Worth and surrounding areas so look for those at some point in the future.

Flag Wavers

Everybody loves a trip to Six Flags Over Texas.  Locals and out-of-towners flock to the park for high speed thrills and kid friendly fun.  The amusement mecca has attracted its fair share of camera crews too since the locale looks great on screen.  So today we have a couple of examples of when Hollywood came to Six Flags!

The Banana Splits Adventure Hour consisted of live action costumed characters (an ape, an elephant, a dog and a lion) having madcap adventures, playing music and introducing Hanna Barbera cartoons that couldn't merit having their own show.

To set up the fun tone of the show they shot their opening credits at amusement parks including Coney Island and, you guessed it, Six Flags!  One of the first recognizable rides you can see in the credits is the Run-A-Way Mine Train:

Another easy to recognize attraction is "El Sombrero":

 

 If trippy weirdo characters on trippy rides are up your alley then you'll love what comes next.  Sid and Marty Kroft designed the Banana Splits' costumes and, of course, produced their own shows like H.R. Pufnstuf, Land of the Lost and Lidsville.  When it was time to shoot the opening of Lidsville (a show about a land of magic hats) the Kroft brothers knew where to go:

The sequence involves young Butch Patrick (Eddie from The Munsters) running afoul of Merlo the Magician at a magic show at Six Flags.  You can see from the sign above that the producers felt no need to hide the identity of the park or try to disguise it as a fictional park.

With Six Flags definitely being the setting, you can spot quintessential Six Flags accoutrements like Texas Flags and El Aserradero (the Log Ride):

And since we're talking about the Log Ride (and for no other real reason), I have an excuse for posting this old school token that's been lying around for awhile.  I'm not sure what year it's from:

Our last stop at the park involves a much more recent production.  Texas native Robert Rodriguez is known for his gritty, violent action movies but he's also been known to make fun kids movies too.  So when it was time to shoot an amusement park sequence for Spy Kids 2, you can guess where he went.

The Oil Derrick Tower is one of the most recognizable elements in the park.  It's 300 feet tall and was perfect when Rodriguez needed to create his own special effects thrill ride:

Of course, that's the late, great native Texan Bill Paxton as "Dinky Winks."  And that's our last ride of the day.  Time to head back to the parking lot for the long drive home.    Hope you had fun today and that the lines weren't too long.

Matchbook Memories: Big Texan Steak Ranch

Previously:

Matchbook Memories: Buckhorn Saloon

Matchbook Memories: Pig Stand

Matchbook Memories: Texas Sesquicentennial Wagon Train

If you're reading a blog about Texas Pop Culture then you're probably already aware of the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo. What you may not be aware of is the 2002 film Waking Up in Reno.  In it, a quarter of fairly obnoxious couples go on a road trip and like the best road trips, they make a stop at the legendary restaurant.

This wasn't just some quickie lip service about a famous roadside Route 66 attraction that was actually shot in some Hollywood sound stage.  The production filmed scenes at the actual legendary destination.

Billy Bob Thornton is one of the stars of the film and the Big Texan scene is pretty much what you'd expect.  But before we get to the inevitable "full belly" situation, a true Amarillo legend makes a cameo in the film.  If you've been to the restaurant, you've no doubt met Hodie Portfield.  He appears in the film in his trademark animal skin outfit:

Well, as you can imagine, Billy Bob takes on the Big 72 Ounce Steak challenge and succeeds!  And while he didn't do it in real life, fictionally eating the 72 Ouncer can go on his Texas Resume alongside fictionally fighting in the Alamo.

As often happens in real life, four and a half pounds of beef was a little too much for Billy Bob's character and things get a little out of hand.  As you can see, Hodie steps in to help out, which I assume would also happen in real life:

So the next time you head up to Amarillo, let Billy Bob's story be a cautionary tale:  there's no need to try to eat that much food in one sitting.  But it you can do it...it's free!

Family Heirloom

If you've found your way here across the vast internet sea then odds are you have heard of the famous Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana.  Their fruit cakes are world renowned and are a hugely popular gift every Christmas season.  (Don't get me wrong, their other stuff is great too but the fruit cakes are easily the most celebrated.)

Even if you haven't had one of their celebrated confections, you might have seen their signature red tin.  For many, long after the fruit cake is gone, the round metal container holds sewing supplies, toys and anything else that needs to be kept decoratively secure.

So it should come as no surprise when one of these beauties shows up in a famous setting.  In fact, one of them shows up in one of the most acclaimed films of all time:

Take a close look at the scene around the 48 minute mark.  As Sonny takes a phone call, you can see the signature red tin in the background:

Looks like the Corleone family received a nice dessert treat for Christmas and, like so many others, kept the tin around to store stuff (possibly, connoli?  That's my guess.)  This was such a coup for Collin Street Bakery that they use it for marketing:

So the next time you want something sweet that comes with a collectible tin and a mafia pedigree, you know where to go.