The Unfortunate Roles of Kris Kristofferson

 
Brownsville, Texas native Kris Kristofferson is a multi-talented superstar of stage and screen.  Singing, songwriting, acting...he's a definite triple threat.  That being said, he's not going to hit a home run every time.  He's got some real head scratchers on his IMDb page.  So with all due respect to the legendary highwayman, I thought I'd take a look at some of his more unfortunate roles.  

The Donny & Marie Show

In the late 70s two of the most popular things in showbiz were variety shows and Star Wars.  It didn't take long for the two of them to be combined.  One of the most popular shows, "Donny & Marie" dipped their toe into the Star Wars pool with singing, dancing and the corniest jokes ever heard in a galaxy far, far away.  Kristofferson appeared as Han Solo in a sketch and sang a song along with his pal Chewbacca.  It remains one of the stranger scifi/country music combos in history.

Blade 3 (a.k.a. "Blade Trinity")

Don't get me wrong, I love the Blade movies but they make questionable choices with Kristofferson's character.  He plays "Whistler," who is the mentor/tech support for Wesley Snipe's Blade, the Vampire Hunter.  In the first movie, Whistler is killed off to give extra motivation to Blade.  The first part of the second movie is spent bringing Whistler back to life.  Then, once again, Whistler is killed off at the beginning of the third movie to give extra motivation to Blade.  What a ride, huh?  So Kristofferson was kind of wasted in the third film by having his character play a role that had already been done (and undone).

Big Top Pee-Wee

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is one of the best movies of all time but the follow-up was...not.  Instead of being an actual sequel, it essentially just took Pee-Wee, and put him in a different scenario with no real connection to the previous movie.  In "Big Top" he lives on a farm, longs to join the circus and leaves his fiance for someone he just met.  It's not great.  Kristofferson does just fine as the circus' ringmaster but the movie itself just can't compare to the original. 

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Well after the original series of Planet of the Apes but before the most recent set of films, there was the 2001 "Planet of the Apes" remake/remix/whatever.  While it was kind of fun to see Kristofferson running around in a loincloth fighting gorillas, it was also kind of sad seeing him do that.  The movie was a failure because it was such a mess and it's now just a footnote in the franchise's history.

Luckily, the overwhelming majority of Kristofferson's work is fantastic and definitely worth a watch (or a listen).  But the next time you want to kick back with a movie night, consider watching one of his misfires instead of "A Star is Born."  Maybe you'll like them more than I did.

Big Boy in Big D

Previously:

Texas Stranger  - -  The Red Headed Stranger  - -  Tour of Duty

Even if you haven't eaten at a Big Boy's restaurant, you're probably familiar with its mascot.  The pudgy guy with the checkered overalls and pompadour is seen outside his namesake restaurant hoisting a big burger and beckoning hungry travelers to stop in and take a load off.  Restaurant names tend to vary with geography (Bob's Big Boy, Frisch's Big Boy, or in this instance, Elias Brothers' Big Boy) but that smiling face always remain the same.

What was also common, at least in the old days, was the "Adventures of Big Boy" promotional comic book that was available in the restaurant.  Since Big Boy restaurant were sometimes marketed as a spot for folks on the road, the comics usually dealt with topics or travel or travel destinations.  Today we take a look at Big Boy's journey to Dallas!

It was 1980, there had been a big art theft in Big D and Big Boy had been called in to investigate.  Is Big Boy some kind of detective or criminal investigator?  I have no idea.  I don't really know much about the character but I would guess that he's pretty much whatever a particular issue's story wants him to be.

So as our hero, along with his girlfriend Dolly and his dog Nuggets, wait for their plane at the airport, the case is pretty much cracked right in front of them.   A suspicious cowboy hat wearing traveler essentially confesses to the crime as the gang looks on.  This all happens on Page 2.

So it seems that Big Boy and his crew were called in by his police contact, Captain Crockett, who they meet up with when they land (at DFW, even though they call it "Dallas Airport"...at least it mentions that it was the largest airport in the country at the time). 

So they meet up with their police connection and follow the art thief to downtown Dallas.  The gang decides to split up, as crime-solving groups tend to do, and after a brief stop at the Dallas Farmers Market, they head to...

Dallas City Hall still had that "New City Hall" smell at the time.  It's also the location where the art thief hid the painting.  So apparently he stole it, then hid it, then flew somewhere else, then flew back to Dallas to retrieve it.  Or possibly, his accomplice stole it, hid it and he came to town to retrieve it.   These are the questions the comic brings up but doesn't answer. 

The exact hiding place was underneath the sculpture outside the building...which the comic attempts to draw.  Here's what it looks like in real life:

As our art thief grabs his purloined painting, Nuggets the dog gives him a a round of barking.  And the chase was on!  Like any man of action, Big Boy solves his problems with a tackle that would make a Dallas Cowboy envious.

And there you have it, case closed!  There wasn't a lot of story in this story but there was at least an attempt at some graphic representation of a few Dallas landmarks.  It's an odd addition to the many movies, TV shows and comics that take place in Big D but I'm sure it was a welcome one for kids in the 80s as they wolfed down their burger and fries.